how did i make you feel

Maya Angelou observed that people will forget what you said and what you did, but not "how you made them feel.” Well, it's certainly true that no matter how brilliantly you said it, people will forget it. And in time, what you've done will be forgotten. So the implied dictum is that instead of "saying" and "doing” one should concentrate on making others feel good. I believe that she had this   direction in mind, not just that people remember how they felt about you.
       We all know certain people who always leave us feeling good. I still remember a colleague of the 60s who had that knack. Even now I relive that moment in the coffee shop when, after a guest artist in chapel sang, "His Eye is on the Sparrow” and illustrated it with an octave long glissando, remarked, “I’m sure glad that bird made it down safe.”
       While I don't disagree with Ms. Angelou regarding the social benefit of making others feel good, I would want to add that feeling good is hardly an ultimate goal in life. Passengers on the Titanic probably enjoyed the first part of the trip, but before long safety became more important. Ultimately, lasting pleasure comes from doing the right thing in the right way. Each of us has an inborn sense of oughtness. We distinguish between what should be and what shouldn't. This may differ somewhat between cultures, but the name we give to the person without a moral compass is "psychopath.” I would hold that while it is pleasant to make people feel good, it is vital to live in concert with what we know to be right or wrong.
       And a related question for the Christian who wants to model his life after that of Jesus is this, “If Jesus were with us in this discussion what might he add? How important would it be for him that you and I went away from our time together feeling good? And, reflecting on his life, would it have bothered him that after the last supper with his disciples in the upper room they may not have felt good. I’m inclined to think that helping others feel good is a positive thing, but its appropriateness depends upon the why that lies behind it. Is it an honest desire or is there a underlying intent to be in control of the situation by using “love” as a tool for personal gain.
       So, as a general rule for positive relationships we should do our best to leave the other with a pleasant feeling about our time together, but there are occasions when something else would be preferable. The balance seems to make the other feel good, but keep enough wiggle room for the higher priority.